Childhood: Perspectives from an Only Child

I find that the question of siblings is almost immediately brought up when meeting someone new.

What’s your name? What do you do? How many other times did you parents produce offspring?

And for me, it’s a pretty short answer.

None. Only child.

Usually, this gets a fairly big reaction. Probably because of all the articles discussing the stereotypes associated with only children. And since I outwardly display a lot of traits attributed to this kind of upbringing, i.e. assertiveness, maturity, and slightly introverted, I get a lot of “Oh that makes sense!”.

But honestly I never really minded the dismissiveness, because for me I liked how I was raised. During the fall I temporarily rented the guest room of a family friend who had two young children. And it really made me re-evaluate some of my opinions about growing up solo. So here are three positive and three negative things about being an only child.


  1. Quiet Time: I grew up in a quieter household. My mom insists I was a very insistent child, but not very loud. Apparently, I took that inside voice rule to be my one law. My parents very rarely yelled at me for any reason, so as an adult I really value those moments I get to be contemplative. Summers spent in the company of my extended family who had multiple kids running around I noticed there was almost never silence, screaming was just a normal part of the dynamic. I still get startled by people yelling.
  2. Attention: I am literally my mother’s entire world. I know this because she tells me some form of I love you in almost every text, phone call, and interaction we have. We talk every day and there’s probably nothing I feel really uncomfortable discussing with her. She’s always so patient and supportive. I attribute this close bond to the fact we share many of the same interests and temperament, but I acknowledge that it probably has something to do with being the sole object of her focus as a parent.
  3. Finances: Let’s get controversial. Kids are expensive. And one of the perks of being the only child is being the sole dependent. I grew up in a great amount of comfort and indulgence, mostly due to the fact my parents only had to worry about my wants and needs. It would have been impossible to attend the kind of summer camps, family vacations, and go to university debt-free like I did if my parents had to consider another child in the mix. Plus I was an only grandchild on my dad’s side so guess who got all that sweet Christmas/birthday money? (Save that cash, kids. Comes in handy.)

And now let’s get to the flip side. Why it’s not always the best.


  1. Social: Being so comfortable with playing by yourself does have some downsides. It means I take a little while to warm up to some people and I’m less likely to just go out spontaneously. I’m pickier about who I spend my time with and notice I don’t tolerate people’s flaws as much as people from big families. That compulsion to be social just isn’t part of who I am. It takes a lot of extra effort to counteract this.
  2. Adult Support: My mother has siblings (my fabulous aunt and uncles) and has always been the baseline for how I imagine it would be like to have grown up with siblings. My mom and my aunt in particular really depend on each other when commiserating and gossiping. I feel like I have that kind of closeness in many friendships, but it would be nice to complain/celebrate family drama and memories with another person who gets it.
  3. Children someday: I know it’s strange to discuss kids in your early twenties. I definitely don’t plan on having any til I’m past 30, but I do want to be a mom someday. However, I’m convinced I could only handle one child, two would be a stretch, three would be insane. Like the idea of having more kids than I have hands terrifies me. If my insanely amazing mom could only handle one, how could I ever have more than that? Sometimes I worry if I’ll have a partner who wants a huge family that it could be a deal breaker. But for who I am and how I imagine my lifestyle to be for my family/ child: one doesn’t seem like the loneliest number.

What was your sibling situation like? Did you enjoy being a sibling/only child? Do you ever think about how many kids you’d want to have?

While you were blogging…

Three things happened since the last I posted.

  1. I secured a job as a Junior Art Director in an agency that works with Consumer Package Goods. Many that are probably in your pantry right now.
  2. I have an apartment overlooking a small park that I love and am so grateful to have found in my price range.
  3. Neither of these is in NYC. In fact, they’re both in Connecticut.

Surprise! To both you and me.

I thought about deleting all the posts (the very few admittedly) I had on this site and start anew. Pretend my life and all the turns it has taken in the past few months were parts of a planned route. That somehow it had always meant to be this way.  But then I decided that I don’t think that I’d ever want to start over, in life or online. So instead I think I’d rather start this new chapter with the statement that life is a great many things, but it is usually unpredictable. Some might wonder why I didn’t turn down the CT job, stick it out another three months, and try to find a job in the “greatest city in the world.” I’ve never been one to put my life or finances on hold on the hopes of strangers, so not living there now is no great matter. The fact that at 22 years old I am employed in a job I went to school for, that I have no outstanding student loan creditors coming for my head, and that NYC is but an hour or so train journey away is the only reply I think I’d need.

Another post will go more into detail the many lessons I learned in my journey to get here, including some rather valuable tips about apartment hunting. But for now I’m mesmerized by the snow still falling outside, sticking to the ground like large blankets. Back in Georgia, it’s said to be almost six inches. I’d say we’ve almost received as much here. It’s a strange occurrence that Connecticut should have so much in common with my home state.

I hope it continues.


A 2017 Youtube Odyssey: Web Series To Watch When You Don’t Know What You Want To Watch

Sometimes I just want something in the background while I design or try to organize stuff. Strangely I find music distracting so I usually put on some kind of video or netflix. But often I don’t want to be sucked into a high-concept sci-fi western or a murder mystery thriller’s season-long arcs, I just want something light (like entertainment sorbet).

These are just some of the series I keep coming back to:

1. Lizzie Bennet Diaries:  

Emmy award-winning retelling of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Basically, Elizabeth Bennet has a vlog and most of her life seems to conveniently happen while she’s filming. Just go with it. Stick around to see the amazing chemistry within the cast (including one of the best Darcy’s I’ve seen) and the ingenious ways they modernize the source material.

2. Worth It:

Buzzfeed’s Steven Lim really struck gold with this simple concept of comparing three things (food, hotels, apartments, etc.) at three drastically different prices to find out what’s really worth it. I watch it for the great banter between him and his co-host Andrew (my grumpy cat man twin) and the chance to droll over the most expensive stuff they try. It’s like HGTV-I can’t say why I can watch it for three hours straight, but I don’t  really need to.

3. Nothing Much To Do:

Another great modernization adaptation. Much Ado About Nothing is, in my opinion, Shakespeare’s best comedy (fight me) so I’m almost guaranteed to love it in any form. But when a group of amazing young female filmmakers re-set this play in a New Zealand high school, it somehow improves upon it with the youthful exuberance now embued in every laughable turn. Multiple characters in the story have vlogs and jumping between them is POV gold.

4. VGHS:

Probably the best thing Rocket Jump has ever made, VGHS is the Harry Potter-esque story of an amateur gamer making it into a big-time gaming academy and his struggles in trying to stay there. Set in the not so distant future the show has colorful characters and great CGI effects.


5. Buzzfeed Unsolved:

Another great series from the media giant follows amateur paranormal-hunters/detectives Ryan (the open-minded ghost believing conspiracy junkie) and Shane (the dry realist with a logical answer to everything). Everything from haunted ships to true crimes is looked into in these thorough ~20-minute long episodes and the production quality only seems to improve with time. Plus their back and forth narrations over these dark subjects sometimes crack me up so much I almost feel guilty.

6. Baking With Layton:

While not much of a cook myself, I find the real appeal of this series by British YouTuber Daniel J Layton to be in the wacky collection of fellow entertainers he has joining him in the kitchen. The friendships are real and the haphazard way they all try to help with the recipes or joke around makes you feel like a part of the fun. If you’re a fan of any video makers across the pond it’s likely they’ll show up at one point or another.

Let me know what you think of these or if you have any more to add.

The Friend Connection: A Review of the app Hey!Vina

There’s a great 2012 article from the New York Times by Alex Willaims that detailed the hardships older adults have in making and maintain new friendships. And for some reason, my little high school brain read this and freaked out at the idea making friends would get even harder. Honestly finding people I liked to be around was hard enough. My worries were quickly assuaged because within a week I went off to an art program and met one of the great platonic loves of my life.

Yet, even with many great loves later and college behind me, that article still pops up in my brain from time to time. And when I moved away from the state I had called home for all of 22 years I started wondering if this would be the year I’d run into that friendship brick wall. I had friends in the city, it was one of the reasons I moved to NYC, but a few semi-close friends with their own understandably busy lives don’t make much of an adventure team.

That’s when an ad for Hey! Vina popped up onto my facebook. Now I’m not sure how the algorithm knew I needed more friends, but it wasn’t wrong. Usually, I’d pass on hokey stuff like this, but the fact it was specifically designed for women to meet up had me intrigued. So I downloaded it and started flipping through. Here are my thoughts:


So the app is marketed and operates like a pseudo-tinder, but for women looking for female friendships. You put in your preferences for age/location, fill out your own bio, and start swiping. Except because the app is built for platonic relationships, it asks you to fill out a survey about your interests and personality traits (extrovert vs. introvert, coffee vs. wine, etc.) beforehand. So when I’m looking through profiles I’m checking out what we have in common and their short bio.

This was both my favorite feature and the most disconcerting because with tinder I usually swipe ruthlessly stopping only to read bios when someone catches my eye. Yet when the dating aspect is gone I got very methodical trying to discern which of the many wonderful ladies could be a life-long friend.

And here’s the truth…it’s probably the best app I’ve ever downloaded. Like my brand is built around being picky both in food and in friends, but I actually found really interesting people on this (like a future law student, fashion stylist, and social worker). Also, I’m woman enough to admit some people just aren’t into all this (*gestures to all of me*.) So the fact that in the span of two weeks with this app I have made two awesome new friends and talked with three more ladies is amazing. I mean I have better friend game than any other game I’ve ever played.

Now for those who are extreme extroverts, this may seem like a really small number, and for some introverts it’s monumental. But for this ambivert, it’s just right.

Some methods I found to be really effective in using this app are as follows:

  1. Be bold: Send the first message. The first friend I made on the app went to the same college as my mom and that was my in. So far I haven’t had a message ignored yet. Just find common ground and start there. You swiped each other, so obviously they’re interested in you too.
  2.  Show off personality in your photo: This is about showing yourself in the most authentic way. Make a silly face if you’re loud or wear something fashionable if you need a shopping buddy. Make sure it stands out.
  3. Try to meet up asap: After the obligatory small talk, ask them to go do something. You need face to face to really cement this new friendship and make sure it doesn’t fizzle out. My favorite first friend date is a flea market because it’s fun to walk around and get to point stuff out to each other.
  4. Fill out all the quizzes: Because they’re fun and why not honestly?
  5. Be openminded, but selective: Real talk, ladies. Sometimes you need friends who come from a different place, both metaphorically and literally. A different perspective is refreshing and necessary to live a well-rounded life and you’d be surprised how much two people from vastly different upbringings can still share a love of psychological thriller flicks and orange dreamsicles (just as an example). Don’t assume you’d have nothing in common with someone based on looks or where they went to school. Branch out! Also, keep in mind that there’s no real shame in discovering that you don’t mesh with someone like you thought you would. Your time is precious and while it’s never ok to be rude, it is ok not to be someone’s friend. Friendships aren’t a science and sometimes you’re just two people who aren’t meant to be each other’s ride or die. And that’s perfectly ok. Maybe the next swipe will get you to another bridesmaid, who knows!

I’d highly recommend this app to anyone in need of a more clear-cut way to get that first intro to a new friend. I really love this concept and while it makes sense why it’s only for the female-identifying, it’s so effective I almost wish I could meet platonic guy friends on here too. But in the meantime, I guess I just keep trying to fill out my perfect heist crew.

Dr. Strangecity or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love New York

It’s such a cliche. Young twenty-something from the South leaves home to start their life in NYC away from everything they knew, blah blah blah. Ok, we get it.

The thing is though, this was all supposed to be someone else’s cliche.

Someone who dreamed of New York City since they saw Gossip Girl on the CW and compared 5th Avenue apartments online for fun.

And if you asked any of my friends a few years ago, I would have been singled out as the biggest antithesis to this bright-eyed YA novel heroine. Back then I was planning to live literally on the other side of the U.S. in Seattle with a series of hipster roommates and unironically enjoying the rain all year round. Yet here I am, the poster child of the tired phrase “Never say never”, employed by Bieber and parents everywhere.

My love story with New York City plays out like a well-written romantic comedy (yes, they do exist!). First I hated it. Then I started to see the value in it. Later on, I had a couple positive chance encounters combined with great timing. And finally, I was running through an airport to get back to it.

But since that’s all a little too cutely wrapped in a bow, let’s get down to the 7 reasons I changed my mind about NYC and decided to move here.

7. JOB: For my industry, there are just more opportunities here. I had spent this past summer interning at an agency in NYC and truly saw the professional advantages to staying longer. I’m trying to become an art director at an advertising agency and you’d be surprised how hard that is. Most major cities just don’t have a lot of openings for entry-level in creative and the sheer number of agencies here dwarf anything I have back at home. Plus networking here is vastly easier, with an event almost every week.

6. HOUSING: I had a guaranteed place to stay for cheapish. I was incredibly lucky to have found a friend of my aunt who was willing to let me rent their guest bedroom month to month for a crazy cheap rate. If I hadn’t found this incredible deal, I probably would have sublet from someone on Gypsy Housing, but this basically made everything easier.

5. SAVINGS: Let’s be honest, this city is expensive. Although it’s not even in the top ten of the most expensive places to live in the world. But, in all honesty, the fact I had saved up a nice nest egg beforehand is a real factor. I did this by always having paid internships/ jobs throughout high school and college, keeping up my GPA to qualify for scholarships that covered most of my college tuition (I got out debt free thankfully), and never owning a car. This isn’t a possibility for everyone and I’ll be the first to acknowledge where I received help to make this happen: amazing agency owners giving me a fair rate for my work, getting into a cheapish public university that my parents paid part of, and generous friends who’d give me rides without a second thought.

4. LIFESTYLE: You don’t realize how much you change in terms of preferences until it hits you one day. My first trip to NYC was riddled with crowded tourist traps, terrible street smells, and the belief at any moment I’d fall onto the subway tracks. Yet, as I returned to the city for various conferences and events, I realized how much the current version of me loves the crazy energy of dodging people on the street, how little I’m bothered by the trash, and I conquered the track thing by standing against a wall so no one could push me. In all honesty, I can’t quite pin down why a city that overwhelmed now energized me. I think four years spent in my tiny college town acted as the catalyst for me making a huge change.

3. TRANSPORTATION: I hate driving. It’s un-American and blasphemous I’m told, but I hate it. And apparently, I’m not alone in this. I grew out of most of the anxiety and insomnia I suffered from as a child, yet the minute I sit in a driver’s seat I start panicking. I would rather confront the biggest bully in the locker room than drive a car in traffic. I got my license halfway through college and with the exception of one summer I almost never use it for its primary purpose. So it’s no surprise that I love the subway. I can get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time and I’m pretty good at navigating the transfers. Plus it’s much cheaper to pay the $122/month for an unlimited rides metro card than any car payment or insurance fee.

2. SUPPORT NETWORK: After college, most of my friend group stayed in our college town to either start their graduate degrees or live with their new partner. I being neither of these, was then left with the strange realization that all my other friends (college friends that graduated before me) had moved to the big city. Moving to a new place knowing I had a group of people already there as support was a huge stress reliever. Also, the strange thing is, despite living all my life in one state, I was better at making new friends in NYC. I chalk it up to always being more of a city girl raised around people from rural parts or the fact that most people in NYC are from somewhere else too just looking for a buddy. It could also be that my sarcastic dark humor just plays better here. Who knows.

1. CULTURE: I love what this city has to offer and how much I get to learn from it. I’m a sucker for a day spent going to lectures, wandering through museums, and reading a new book while splayed out on park grass. I have never lived anywhere where there’s so much to take in and do that you need to follow a whole website to keep up. Tomorow a new friend and I are going kayaking for free. On Sunday another one wants to check out a new gallery in Chelsea. Even just walking around I stop (over to the side so as not to be trampled by foot traffic) and stare at the architecture and art installations outside office buildings. Someday I hope to be just as permanent.

nyc t-shirt